“Women are multi-taskers so they should be at home and look after the kids”
“Gays are abnormal”
These are some common statements made by adolescents that one hears in classrooms. Children grow up with notions based on what they observe and absorb in their immediate social environments. If notions such as the ones above are left unaddressed, they can shape a child’s perceptions of gender and societal concepts as they transition into adulthood.
The gender norms surrounding them, the language used to describe oneself and others – whether referring to women, men, or individuals with diverse gender identities and sexual orientations –along with the societal concepts related to these categories, shape a child’s worldview. These influences play a critical role in forming their understanding of self, sexuality, and gender. For instance, when a male baby is born, the most popular gifts include cars and toys whereas if there is a female baby, there are going to be dolls. Then there are myths like pickle is not to be consumed when a girl is having her period, or women cannot work at a job because they are supposed to only be nurturers.
A child’s social environment in their foundational years plays a critical role in shaping their worldview and influences their responses and the way they communicate with their peers. Most often, children mirror the language that they hear around them. Therefore, it is important for parents and caregivers to not simply dismiss their language as rude and disrespectful but to mindfully recognise and address it. At times, children find it difficult to communicate feelings of discomfort to caregivers or parents, as they don’t have the requisite vocabulary. Their behaviour is often misunderstood as ‘rebellion’. However, what adults may define as ‘rebellion’ are the changes a child or an adolescent goes through as a part of their physiological and psychological development. It becomes more distinct during adolescence – a phase where they attempt to build their identity, explore their likes and dislikes, and become more curious about their sexual development. The ways they express their feelings are related to their access to information and communication resources based on their social and economic position. It is important for adults (educators, parents, caregivers) to place and interpret a child’s expression in context as that will help them better understand the child’s needs.
Is it important to respond to a child’s curiosity about sexuality and gender?
The Convention on the Rights of the Child clearly states: In all actions concerning children, whether undertaken by public or private social welfare institutions, courts of law, administrative authorities or legislative bodies, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration (United Nations Human Rights Office of the High Commissioner,1989). Comprehensive Sexuality and Personal Safety Education (CSE and PSE) provides children scientific and age-appropriate responses to their curiosity and questions related to sexuality, sexual development and gender and helps them understand the social and cultural contexts to which they belong. It additionally gives children a space to express their concerns and feelings authentically without the fear of being judged. A child needs to feel a space is non-judgmental or they may revoke their trust at any given point in time. As adults, it is crucial for us to maintain a non-judgmental attitude as that allows a child to share their inhibitions, concerns, and curiosity and that is the basis of building trust. Additionally, this environment fosters a child’s confidence and self-esteem, making them feel valued and heard. As a facilitator myself, I have found that my being inclusive and non-judgmental has contributed to children engaging more effectively with their questions and curiosity related to gender and sexuality.
India, with currently a population of over 1.4 billion people of which more than 436 million are under the age of 18 years, recognised many years ago the need to respond to sexual and reproductive health concerns and introduced programs like the Adolescent Education Program and Life Skills Education Program mainly to prevent the transmission of HIV. However, it was not a comprehensive approach to a child’s growth and development. For a holistic approach, it is important to note that due to diverse cultures and norms that communities adhere to, the understanding of gender and sexuality may be different from one place to another. Therefore, contexualising gender and sexuality is the first step in creating a holistic program for children that facilitates a safe space to engage with the topic.
Is Comprehensive Sexuality and Personal Safety Education ‘only’ for children?
Comprehensive Sexuality and Personal Safety Education is for all! It encourages children to appreciate diversity, encourage inclusivity, build respect and empathy towards oneself and others while informing them about their physical and physiological development. It does not impose a single narrative but provides them with the information they rightfully deserve to know.
Many argue that discussing gender and sexuality is not appropriate for children and therefore do not promote CSE and PSE. However, it is much more than a lesson on sex and reproduction. According to the International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education, Comprehensive Sexuality Education is a curriculum-based process of teaching and learning about the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality. It aims to equip children and adolescents with knowledge, skills, attitudes and values that will empower them to learn about their health, well-being and dignity; develop respectful social and sexual relationships; consider how their choices affect their own well-being and that of others; and, understand and ensure the protection of their rights throughout their lives. It covers a range of topics that are specific to children and adolescents including discussions about social and cultural factors that influence self-perceptions, broader aspects of relationships and vulnerability, such as consent and power inequalities and the way it impacts them, and socio-economic factors, such as race, HIV status, disability, sexual orientation, gender identities and personal safety.
Can only a kiss do any harm to anyone? 5th grade, male child.
You are a girl, so you need to learn cooking. 8th grade, female child
Boys are protectors for women. 11th grade, male child.
How do I tell my parents that their words about my body are affecting my self esteem? 8th grade, female child.
The more than 3000 children (in privately-owned schools in Bangalore and smaller towns in regions of Tamil Nadu) that I have engaged with as a facilitator come from diverse socio-economic backgrounds. Their questions are defined by what they have heard in their families, what is normalised in their social circles, and how they have experienced social norms including gender norms. For instance, in some regions in Tamil Nadu, male students had strong opinions about what the role of women is, and believed that violence against men was never acknowledged and that women were being given undue importance. Female students firmly believed that it was important to follow the restrictions imposed during menstruation. Then there are students from schools in Bangalore who are interested to know about self-pleasure and the importance of consent. On the other hand, a fourth grade student once came up and asked, “What is sex?” The student appeared terrified, believing that sex was a bad word, but had heard the word multiple times from older cousins and senior students in the school campus and was very curious to know what it meant.
Children are curious of course, but there is a risk of their being misled or misinformed about concepts related to gender and sexuality. In the beginning of this article, I mentioned two statements commonly heard in classrooms, “Women are multi-taskers so they should be at home and look after the kids” and “Gays are abnormal” – these are misconceptions and have no scientific evidence. CSE and PSE busts these misconceptions because such ideas are false and very often lead to undesirable actions such as bullying, gender-based violence, unhealthy gender relations, and reinforcement of gender stereotypes. Therefore, providing children with age and developmentally appropriate, accurate knowledge and instilling in them non-discriminatory attitudes is critical. However, CSE and PSE is not limited to children only, because teachers and parents also need to be educated.
CSE and PSE for parents, caregivers and educators equips them to be mindful of their responses and actions while interacting with children. They are the primary contact points for children. If parents and teachers are not adequately equipped as first responders, children will not be able to consider the home or the school as a safe space and may reach out to other, mostly unreliable, sources. CSE and PSE empowers parents with the knowledge, language, and strategies necessary to address their children’s and adolescents’ questions and concerns in an age-appropriate and informed manner. Therefore, in recent years, schools have taken the initiative to organise sessions on topics such as gender and sexuality and discussions on child sexual development and personal safety for parents and teachers.
What then is the role of a facilitator?
A comprehensive sexuality and personal safety educator or facilitator recognises the importance of conversations with all groups engaging with children.
With children, their role is to build awareness and facilitate perspectives about gender and sexuality. Such an educator has the opportunity to engage with dynamic minds, stubborn minds and minds that are adaptable. Sometimes, facilitators hear about the struggles and dilemmas faced by children and adolescents – it is an opening for them to engage in conversations that help young people find hope and purpose in what they aspire to do in their futures despite the confusions and dilemmas they face. The facilitator plays the role of someone who provides more than one perspective to explore. Children and adolescents have the right to dismiss those perspectives and continue with their existing perceptions. CSE and PSE provides that opportunity for children and adolescents to get age-appropriate information about self, gender and sexuality in respectful, empathetic, scientific and in intersectional ways.
With adults including educators and caregivers, the facilitator engages to instil values of respect, trust, empathy, and active listening rather than punishment, and the value of reward for effective communication with children. Punishment, by its nature, tends to prioritise the needs of those who feel disrespected – typically the adult – rather than addressing the needs of the child or the adolescent. The role of the facilitator here is to help adults understand the benefits and challenges of applying values of respect, empathy and active listening in their communication with children. This approach helps adults recognise how their communication styles impact children, fostering more constructive and empathetic interactions that promote effective dialogue.
In conclusion, CSE and PSE is a tool to empower not only children and adolescents but also parents, teachers and other adults concerned about the wellbeing of young people.
Cover Image: Photo by Monica Sedra on Unsplash
