That little baby born in spring,
shall live through fall, summer, winter,
and many a colourless spring,
for “It’s a boy,” everyone exclaimed,
and that’s how “he” shall be trained.
That little baby born in spring,
shall not cry, and keep acting,
for boys don’t cry,
as decided by the patriarch so sly!
That little baby born in spring,
doesn’t want to dress in a pant suit,
but a white satin gown, so smooth.
That little baby born in spring,
shall feel safer in Potter’s closet than Harry’s Hogwarts,
for a closet is assigned to all infants at birth.
Some make it to Hogwarts, some do not.
What shall be the antidote?
“Drag,” whispered Paris.
“He”, the baby, now a “boy”,
wears a hot pink canon gown and calls “himself” Polaris.
That easy it is to defy the patriarch’s word,
that fragile is the patriarch’s world.
That little baby born in spring,
Shall “he” identify as Queer?
Regardless, Polaris feels queer!
Radha and Sita didn’t do the identification bit,
but managed to do the loving, feeling and fleeing bit.
Queer might or might not be an identity hence,
a societal sword whose edge you can sense.
“What role does a feeling play in the edge of this sword?
Pleasure,
grief,
shame,
desire,
melancholia.
What potential does it hold?” asks Sara Ahmed.
That queer feeling shall sharpen the sword
It shall polish it
It shall be the strength of it
Besides, everything, it shall be the reason for its existence
And sometimes,
It shall be the fire that melts the sword to leak into the world
The world that guards against the queer sword piercing through
Unaware of the queer sword afire with feelings
The queer molten sword that shall always find a way
To leak queerness in and have its say.

Let us now hear from
That baby born in spring.
And the baby born in spring,
Now a person with gender
slowly spoke:

I have been drowning,
without trying to move my limbs or paddle at all.
I have been letting myself sink.
Shall I accept the endless abyss as my fate?
I talked to Sara about this,
I told her I am sinking in a seemingly serene sea.
She whispered in my ear,
“You have what it takes to uproot the existing structure fundamentally.
Please know identifying as queer might be an aesthetic.
But feeling queer is a rebellion.”
Vqueeram Aditya was right there,
and she said,
“It’s not about how you look,
It’s about how you feel in the look you are carrying.
It’s not about the perception of people about the character you are performing,
It’s about how you feel playing that character.”
I wondered about what character I am playing and,
what I am in reality.
“Reality is performed” whispered Judith Butler.
They put me through to Nivedita Menon,
and she said,
“Nude makeup is to hide the original blemished and wrinkled face,
it is put on to give the effect that it doesn’t exist,
it is put on to give the effect of normalcy,
normativity, we call it.
The reality shall remain the blemished wrinkled skin.
The reality shall be curtained,
hidden,
veiled,
‘beautified’.
The reality shall remain the blemished wrinkled face.
Please play the character without nude makeup on,
Please let the world know how fragile it is.
Just some foundation and concealer,
it takes to look like it.
It is nothing but a world with
just some foundation and concealer.”
I heard them and I heard them all
I wondered still,
I get my gender is a construct,
I get that patriarchy is
just foundation and concealer,
but what about my biological sex?
“Also, a construct!” whispered Judith.
So, what shall it take to remove this,
just foundation and concealer?
I wondered still.
For, I have no formula to create a makeup remover
that can clean,
just foundation and concealer.

“Blood” whispered a voice.
“Violence is the midwife of Revolution” whispered the same voice.
I could not see who it was.
I turned to Sara,
“Feeling queer feelings!” she said.
I turned to Judith,
“Not letting the sword of Queer lose its edge” she said.
I wondered, still.
“Wearing a hot pink ball gown will! Believe me!” whispered Paris.
“Not settling!” said Radha and Seeta, sotto voce.
“Together!” said Vqueeram and Nivedita in unison.

References:

• Sara Ahmed. (2012). Queer feelings. In D. E. Hall and A. Jagose with  A. Bebell  and S. Potter (Eds.), The Routledge Queer Studies Reader (pp. 422-437). Routledge.
• Judith Butler. (2012). Critically queer. In D. E. Hall and A. Jagose, with A. Bebell  and  S. Potter (Eds.), The Routledge Queer Studies Reader (pp. 18-29). Routledge.
• Jennie Livingston. (1990). Paris is Burning. (Director).
• Deepa Mehta. (1996). Fire. (Director).
• Nivedita Menon. (2012). Seeing Like a Feminist. Zubaan.
• Vqueeram Aditya Sahai. (2019, October 24). TransForm 2019 | Day 2 | Panel 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twvRPObac9o&list=PLqox2uc-20JLn6RUefCe7dl-XxPFLyPYt&index=20

Cover Image: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash