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The Unbearability Of Desire

Intimacy can never thrive in an environment of rigid certainty. Intimacy requires surrender – not in the sense of submission – but in the willingness to be with another person without detachment or defences.

By Shaifila Ladhani

March 17, 2025

The Unbearability Of Desire

Themes

In Plainspeak publishes one issue every month, with a single theme running across two months. Our aim is to expand safe, inclusive self-affirming spaces.

CURRENT ISSUE:

February-March 2025: Consent and Sexuality

Consent means agreeing, freely and voluntarily, to engage in an activity, like sex. Often, it gets complicated by power differences attributable to ability, class, caste, employment status, gender, and other factors operating singly or as a composite. Who is asking? Who is being asked? Do they understand what they are saying yes or no to? What if they change their mind midway? Will there be negative repercussions for withholding consent? Or, if they are women, for actively consenting, because “good girls always say no”? These are some questions that immediately spring to mind. There are also issues particular to South Asia, like arranged marriage, child and early marriage, and the lack of legal recognition of marital rape. In our culture, where respect for elders and obedience are paramount, consent is not seen as a significant value. How does disregarding consent affect us not only in our intimate relationships but also in other spheres like the workplace, cyberspace (e.g. social media) and public spaces (e.g. on the streets)? In what ways does it affect people’s understanding of boundaries, respect, and sexual rights? How do we build a culture of consent that is Safe, Inclusive, and Self-Affirming (SISA) for all people? In this issue of In Plainspeak, we explore all this, and more.

UPCOMING ISSUE:

April and May 2025: Masculinities and Sexuality

Masculinities broadly refers to the sets of attributes, behaviours, and expectations commonly associated with men or ‘male power’ in a given culture. Masculinities are not performed only by people with male-assigned bodies. They vary across time and factors such as caste, class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and so on, and are not fixed and unchangeable. There is a whole spectrum of masculinities from those that may be affirming to those that may be considered ‘toxic’. Different kinds of masculinities interact and even come into conflict with each other, with some forms being considered more powerful, hegemonic, central or idealised, and others more subordinate or marginalised, in any given location. How do they play out in terms of their development and expression in relation to sexuality? What factors produce certain kinds of masculinities – is it experiences during growing up, peer pressure, role-models, or popular culture that are influencing factors? Are there differences in the public and private performance and experience of masculinities with regard to sexuality? This issue of In Plainspeak looks at the fascinating (and sometimes frightening) interplay of masculinities and sexuality.

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