I remember realising that ‘gender’ was a construct when I was 9 or so, that it wasn’t real. I was completely blown away by that thought. I immediately talked to my mom about this and we had a lengthy discussion. I’ve always been aware of gender stereotypes and biases, one of the perks or perhaps drawbacks of being a feminist’s child; I suppose I might have liked being ignorant for a while longer. Our discussions at our dining table are always fruitful, we talk about politics, gender, sexuality, you name it. It’s an incredible experience that not all people have, and I am deeply grateful for it.

In 7th grade, my best friend at the time and I used to hold hands and walk around school. This best friend was female. Others in class used to often pass snide comments and call us ‘lesbians’. I think that this was the first time I heard someone use the word ‘lesbian’ as an insult.

Of course, it wouldn’t be the last. Since then, I’ve heard people being called ‘gay’ for simply existing or being a tad bit ‘feminine’, which isn’t a real thing and is completely made up (as I realised when I was 9). The person being called gay would immediately take offence. Most of my classmates would take offence to being called gay and some would call people gay as an insult, which it isn’t. One wouldn’t take offence to being called straight, or would laugh it off when people shipped you with a member of the opposite sex, but god forbid you’re shipped with a member of the same sex.

I think this is where the issue begins – at a very young age one is taught what is ‘normal’ and what isn’t. Boys don’t wear dresses, it simply isn’t ‘normal’. Girls don’t have crushes on other girls, it simply isn’t ‘normal’. I remember liking girls as a kid, in 1st or 2nd grade. I’ve had crushes on both boys and girls and it was just a fact. It didn’t bother me, nor did I question it, because I was never taught that it wasn’t ‘normal’ for a girl to like a girl.

Queering as a way of life, to me, is just like any other way of life, if not the same. Of course, one cannot say that someone who is heterosexual will have the same experiences as someone who is homosexual; because of how society treats homosexuals, being homosexual is still illegal in many countries, and therefore being homosexual comes with hardships that shouldn’t exist, and obstacles that shouldn’t be there.

So when I say queering as a way of life is just like any other way of life, I mean that it is normal. It is natural. The love a straight person feels for another person is the same as the love a gay, bi, pan, asexual person feels for another person.

Cover Image: Photo by Ozgu Ozden on Unsplash