Sexual identity is often related to how individuals identify themselves in terms of who they are sexually attracted to. Sexual identity may or may not be aligned with sexual behaviour (who the person has sex with) or sexual orientation (an individual’s enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction or non-attraction to other people). An individual’s sexual identity is independent of their gender identity and differs from person to person. Here is a quick interactive activity to help you map your identity.
Sex refers to the biological characteristics of a person that determines them as male, female, or intersex. These characteristics include body parts such as the penis or vagina, as well as chromosomal and hormonal make-up.
Gender is how societies view men and women, how they are distinguished, and the roles assigned to them. People are generally expected to identify with a particular gender that has been assigned (gender assignment) to them, and act in ways deemed appropriate for this gender. While gender roles are based on expectations that a culture has of behaviour ‘appropriate’ for assigned sex at birth, gender identity is an individual’s sense of belonging to the category of men or women or neither of the two. We attribute a gender (gender attribution) to someone based on a complex set of cues, which vary from culture to culture. These cues can range from the way a person looks, dresses, and behaves to the context in which they do so, and also on their relationship with and use of power.
LGBTQIA stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual. This acronym refers to different sexual and gender identities that do not fit into the normative social identities of being straight or cisgender. The + is included because LGBTQIA does not encompass all sexual and gender minorities and it is meant to be an inclusive term for all identities.
A heterosexual person is a person attracted to people of a gender other than their own. In slang, they are also called ‘straight’. A homosexual person is a person attracted to people of the same gender as them. Women attracted to other women may identify themselves as lesbian and men attracted to other men may identify themselves as gay. A bisexual person is someone who is attracted to people of their own gender and to people of another gender.
There is no one way to know if you are gay, straight, bisexual or something else. The reality is that these are just labels that people use because they feel it best represents who they are. Sexual identity exists on a spectrum and each person can land on a different place within this spectrum. For example, someone may identify as bisexual because they feel that they are sexually and romantically attracted to men and women equally. Others may take on this identity because they are attracted to one gender but are curious about their attraction to other genders. The important thing to understand is that it is okay to explore your sexuality in order to better understand yourself. Only you can determine what label, if any, works for you, and just because you do not want to label yourself does not mean that you don’t have an understanding of your sexual orientation. It is also completely acceptable for this to change over time. Just remember that there is no such thing as getting it wrong when it comes to understanding your sexuality and you should love yourself regardless!
That question is as difficult to answer as “what causes heterosexuality?” No one knows for sure. Some foolishly suggest that maybe a person turned lesbian because she had a bad experience with a man, or a man became gay because a woman mistreated him. If this were truly the case, then there should be many more lesbian and gay people, shouldn’t there?
This is completely okay! Not every person is attracted to one specific gender or type of person. Sometimes attraction can be different for each individual person you meet and is more based on their personality than what gender they are. Some people who feel this way might like to identify themselves as pansexual, meaning that they can experience sexual, romantic and/or physical attraction for members of different gender identities.
Absolutely not! Everyone’s sexuality develops differently and many people start feeling sexually attracted to others at different stages in their lives. There are also many people that go their whole lives without feeling sexually attracted to anyone else and they may choose to call themselves asexual. There is significant diversity among people who are asexual; each asexual person experiences relationships, attraction, and arousal in a manner unique to them. Asexual people have emotional needs and, like anyone else, how they fulfil these needs varies. Some prefer being on their own, others are happier when with close friends. Some asexual persons desire more intimate romantic relationships, and are likely to date or seek long-term partnerships. They could well find themselves attracted to people who identify as sexual persons.
Furthermore, there are plenty of people who in addition to not feeling sexually attracted to other people also do not feel any romantic attraction towards others, and they may refer to themselves as aromantic. While some asexual people may desire to enter romantic relationships with others, aromantic people do not. This does not mean that aromantic will not seek out meaningful or loving relationships with others; it just means that they do not want those relationships to be romantic. Similar to any other aspect of sexual orientation, this varies from person to person and can change over time.
Most cultures and societies attribute a gender to someone based solely on whether that person is born with a penis or a vulva. Once that gender is assigned to a person, they are supposed to act, dress, and feel a certain way; however, there is no way that such strict norms can possibly reflect the feelings of all 8 billion people living on the planet. Gender identity is a very complex topic and there are many people that feel the gender they were assigned with at birth does not reflect who they are. Some people may identify with the gender they were assigned at birth but choose not to follow any of the norms attributed to that gender, such as how they dress or the way they act; some people may have been born a boy/girl and identify more with the oppose gender; some people may not identify with a specific gender at all, and it is all completely valid.
Gender Identity refers to how an individual defines their own gender. It depends on a person’s experience of their gender (e.g., male, female, genderqueer, gender fluid, gender non-conforming, gender neutral) It need not correspond to the gender assigned to the person at birth, and the expectations that society has from this assigned gender. ‘Gender Identity’ is self-determined – that is, only an individual can declare what their gender identity is.
A transgender person is an individual who does not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth, as opposed to a cisgender person who identifies with the gender assigned to them at birth. Transgender persons may or may not consider themselves a ‘third gender’. Being transgender does not imply identification with a certain sexual identity. A transgender person may be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, etc.
Sometimes, an individual might have physical characteristics that do not fit within the usual definition of a female or male body. The preferred term for such individuals is “a person with intersex variations” and it is used for someone with a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite, or occasionally confused with eunuch, these terms are now outdated and derogatory. At birth, their parents and doctors may decide to assign them a particular sex and gender based on what their genitals most look like. ‘Corrective’ surgeries may be conducted right after birth or during infancy to make them fit into the box of their assigned sex. As they grow older, some of them may feel that they do not fit that gender. A person with intersex variations may identify as a woman, a man, intersex, transgender, gender non-binary or something else, and their sexual identity may be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or any other.
Gender dysphoria is a term that describes a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity. This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on their daily life. The emotional distress often comes from the stigma and judgement they may experience from others (and society in general), which is why creating inclusive spaces for people of different gender identities is so important!
This used to be called “gender identity disorder” but how someone identifies their gender is not a ‘disorder’ or mental illness.
Just like there are millions of transgender people around the world who identify with a gender different from the one assigned to them at birth, there are also millions of people that do not identify with being male or female at all. It is common for someone who feels this way to refer to themselves as nonbinary because they do not fit into the male/female binary that society treats as the norm. This term can refer to people who identify with being part male and female, as well as someone who identifies with a different gender, or no gender at all. Despite the fact that many people think being nonbinary is a new trend, there are plenty of historical and cross-cultural examples of people who do not fit into the gender binary.
Gender affirmation surgery – formerly known as sex reassignment surgery – refers to procedures that help people transition to their self-identified gender. Gender-affirming options may include facial surgery, top surgery, or bottom surgery. Most people who choose gender affirmation surgeries report improved mental health and quality of life. The most important thing to understand about gender-affirmation surgery is that this is often a way of helping transgender people to feel comfortable with their own bodies, but their identities do not hinge on whether or not they decide to get surgery. The YP Foundation’s resource on “Safer Sex Resources for Trans-Masculine Persons” has a section on transitioning and gender affirming procedures. It can be accessed here.
Pronouns are linguistic tools used to refer to someone in the third person. You may have heard people that wish to be referred to as she/her/hers, he/him/his or they/them/theirs. Other individuals may wish to use neopronouns (‘new’ pronouns that go beyond the commonly-used ‘she’, ‘he’ or ‘they’ in English) such as E, Xe and Ze to reflect their gender or sexual identity. There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to deciding on what pronouns you should use for yourself. Choosing to use a pronoun like she/her or he/him does not necessarily mean that you are cisgender, just like a nonbinary person may not like to go by they/them. Some people may wish to go by more than one pronoun like she/they or they/he. Your pronouns are based completely on what makes you feel most comfortable and what best affirms your gender at a given time, and it is completely okay if they change over time. If you are meeting someone for the first time, it is nice to ask them what their pronoun is so that you don’t misgender them by mistake.
Queer is an umbrella term to refer to anyone who does not fall into the social norms of being heterosexual or cisgender. If you consider yourself gay, you could also consider yourself queer because this is an umbrella term for all people within the LGBTQIA+ community. There are many people that feel a certain amount of fluidity with their sexual orientation and gender identity and would prefer to identify as queer because they feel this is a less confining label than gay, bisexual, or transgender.
Coming out refers to the process in which LGBTQIA+ people start to openly accept their identities and share it with others. For instance, a child telling their parents that they are transgender would be an example of coming out. Despite what many people think, coming out is not a single step process, but is often ongoing. LGBTQIA+ may decide to come out to their parents at one time and their friends later on, so the process is continuous.
There is no one right time to come out to anyone, as this is completely up to comfort and personal preference. Coming out is an individual’s personal decision and it is completely acceptable to inform people of your identity whenever it feels right. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with who you are telling. Also, coming out is not a single step process, so it is also okay to come out to your friends one day and decide not to tell your family members about your sexual or gender identity until later on. It is also completely acceptable to not ‘come out’ at all, after all, heterosexual and cisgender people are never expected to ‘come out’ to their loved ones.
This is a term used specifically in the Indian subcontinent to refer to people who are generally assigned male at birth that identify themselves as feminine, or do not identify with being male or female but instead say they belong to a third gender. Some hijras wish to undergo castration while others may have intersex variations. The hijra identity has existed in India for thousands of years and shows that sexual and gender fluidity are not new concepts! While the hijra community is more common in northern India, Nepal and Bangladesh, there are other similar (though not equivalent) communities and identities in India, such as jogappa, kothi, aravani, nupi manbi, etc. Not all of these communities or identities are the same and may signify different perspectives on gender and sexual identity.
Kothi is a term used within the Indian subcontinent which refers to people who were assigned male at birth but adopt feminine modes of dressing and acting. They will often look for a ‘masculine’ partner. Kothis are not necessarily transgender but instead subscribe to another form of gender non-conformity.
Coming out to parents is often one of the hardest things that a queer child goes through. If your child decides to come out to you as queer, the best thing you can do is to make sure they know they are loved. Be open and listen to what they have to say and avoid inserting your own opinions. It is also important to know the facts about what being queer means. Avoid saying things like “I knew it!” or “It’s just a phase. This may change tomorrow”. Your child is the only person that can make a statement about their sexual or gender identity; the best thing you can do is listen. Although you should not love your child any differently after they come out, you should be aware that living as a queer person can make life harder for them. Ensure that they are not being mistreated/bullied at home or at school because of their identity. Check out this link on A Parent’s Guide to Coming Out for more information.